Reflection

Let us not go then, you and I.

The yellow smoke swirls at your feet and nips your heels.  I beg you to return home- to avoid the inexorable humiliation that awaits.  And, for once, you consider my request carefully.  When your apprehension wanes, and you turn towards the looming, though distant, library, I again make my case.

“In the room they come and go, talking of Jennipher A. P.

‘Oh, how her long auburn hair is unkempt and knotted-”

You run a hand through your hair, checking if I’m right.

‘And how her tall, awkward form ricochets from shelf to shelf-”

You look over yourself, frowning.

‘And her voice-”

You shut me up.  “I don’t care,” you say.  “I’m going to go anyways.”  If I cannot help you see the error of your ways with even my best arguments, you must simply be deranged- and deranging.

But, as you walk, a fantastical booth jumps in front of you.  The owner, an elderly woman with a wide smile and long cane, apologizes.  “Sometimes this old cart has a mind of its own,” she says with a hearty laugh.  We frown, together unsure of the motives of this peddler.  However, curiosity gets the better of you.  “What are these… things?”  The woman, amused by your awkward question, laughs again.  “All these trinkets and baubles are magical treasures, destined to find a truth for their owners.”  Needless to say, we do not believe her.  “This disconcerting hag could have run us over, let us fly away,” I urge you.  You shush me again.  “Stop talking like that!  And I’m sure she’s a perfectly nice woman.”  I roll my eyes inwardly while you pick up a modest mirror.  “Oh, a portentous choice, young lady.  That mirror helps people confront a part of them they would like to get rid of.”  The hag broke out into another hearty laugh.  You aren’t sure what “portentous” means, but you laugh too; though your laugh is more ‘at me’ than ‘with her’.

I again advise caution, though I can already feel you reaching for your wallet.  “What will we even do with such a mirror?  Show it off to your ‘pals’ at the library?  ‘Ooh everyone, come look at this fascinating mirror I just found.”  No, Jennipher, that was meant to be mocking, you can’t seriously think that is a good idea?  Right?  Jennipher?

~~~~~~~~~~

We’re halfway to the library, and I still haven’t convinced you to take back that mirror.  “You barely even checked the craftsmanship,” I argue.  “It could have serious cracks, or… whatever other things make mirrors worthless.”  My point well taken, you take the mirror out of your bag and study it carefully.  

The street is empty, save for the horrible yellow smog that eeks and flows around every corner.  Suddenly, I feel something.  A breeze, slow and gentle at first, but quickly becoming gale force.  It wraps around me like a viper, and I see myself in the mirror through your eyes.  A twisted visage of you- thick, sickly blonde hair wrapped around smug purple eyes- is this what you think of me? Then, I see your back  in the mirror… No, I see you on the street.  I clasp my fingers- my fingers?- to see if this- if I am real.

Then, I shout at you.  “Hey!  Looks like your stupid mirror worked!”  Hearing any voice behind you would have made you jump, but I’m sure it being your voice is why you almost knocked a low flying bird out of the sky.  Back on the ground, and still dazed, you gawked at me like I was a living dinosaur.  “Now then, let us go home.”

“No.”

No?  “No?”  I shook my head, disbelieving and disappointed.

“I want to go to this book club meeting.  I…  I know we haven’t really done much yet but I think this time we can actually meet so-”
“YOU don’t have a choice!  We’re going home, and I’m making you.”  I could feel the fog beneath me, and it propelled me to where I wanted to be: in between you and the library.  I could feel the building’s disturbing presence behind me, but I had a job to do.

You looked at me like I was a monster- not that you ever looked at me any other way- and ran off.  Your legs are long, and despite your clumsy nature you manage to run quite fast.  Still, I have your legs, and I have the fog.  It doesn’t take me long to catch up.  At every step, I block your path.  Each side street you could take, every lane or alley, I’m already there.  I slip through the musty, gritty smog like an otter slides on ice.  Your out of breath, horrified face worries me slightly, but I know I have to stop you from doing this.  It is a waste of time and energy, and-

Shit.  You slipped past me while I was distracted by that dreadful building.  I hurry towards it, hoping I can make it there before you, but I am already too late.  The library looms over you.  “Stop!  Don’t do this!” I yell, futilely.  You ignore me once more, and slip through the doors.  Defeated, I slink off, as far from that horrible place as I can get.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, you okay?  You look like shit.”  A tall, sharply dressed woman towers over me- granted, I am slumped across a bench slurping an empty bottle of cola- her face full of concern.  “Yeah.  I’m just dandy.”  She rolls her eyes, but sits next to me.  “I had a bad day today too.”

“Oh?  Well, I’m very interested, do tell.” I ask, sarcastically.

“Okay, so, I had a mock trial for class and ended up losing the case.  That's all there really is to it.  How about you?”  I turn to look at her, and realize she is absolutely serious.  Well, okay then.

“I was separated from the other part of myself by a magical mirror, then she ditched me to go to some stupid book club I didn’t want to go to.”
“Oh.  That sounds like a lot to deal with…”  I nod, and go back to slurping, hoping she will leave me alone.

“So uh, why didn’t you want to go?”

“What.”

“To the book club.  Why didn’t you want to go?”  I sigh, realizing this woman isn’t going to quit.  “Because we always end up embarrassing ourself or stuck in a corner watching everyone else have fun.  It’s a waste of t-”
“Oh, so you’re scared!”  I roll my eyes at her, but… she’s right.  I have been scared.  Every time I think about our past failures at that library- every teary eyed departure home with nothing to show for our time- it shakes me to my core.

“Yeah, I get that.  When I first got into law school, it was even more difficult than I imagined.  My depression made it even harder sometimes.  Things got pretty dark a few times there… but I’ve managed alright so far!”  She puts up her index and middle fingers in a ‘V’ shape, congratulating herself a little early, I think.  Still, I have to admire her confidence.

“So, uh, how’d you do it?”

“Hmm?”  She cocks her head questioningly.

“Um, how’d you manage, even with your depression?”

“Oh!  Well, I let my professors know what was going on, and most of them gave me the help I needed.”  She raises an eyebrow when I let out a heavy sigh.  

“I was hoping that’d be, I don’t know, helpful?  Jennipher never listens to me, so I’m afraid just asking her won’t work.”  The other woman shrugs.  

“I mean, if she is literally you, like you say, you should be able to figure out some way to tell her how you feel.”  

I snort.  “Yeah right, tell her how I feel, good one…  

Oh, you weren’t joking.”

She laughs, somewhat derisively.  “What, did you think you would get better results by threatening yourself?”  

I’m sure my returning laughter isn’t convincing.  “Ha ha, anyways, I think I’d better get going.  T-thanks for the advice, I guess.”

“No problem!  My name’s Alex, by the way.”  She reaches out a hand, and I gratefully shake it.  “Good luck on your uh, law schooling, Alex.”  

She laughs.  “Thanks, Jennipher!”

~~~~~~~~~~

As I entered my apartment, my head swam with the lingering ideas Alex imparted in me.  “I really have messed this up, huh?” I say to myself.  Then, I notice a sound from the bedroom; it was soft, but as I creep closer the sobbing becomes distinct and recognizable.  Oh no. “J-Jennipher?” I call out.  “Go away,” you reply, between lamentations.  I slowly open the door.  You’re on our bed, covering your face with the covers.  “H-hey,” You turn away from me.  “L-listen… I’m sorry.”  You turn back towards me; your eyes are still filled with tears, but also skepticism.  “I um… I’ve been kinda mean, I guess.”  The earth shakes with the strength of your eye roll.  “Okay, I’ve been really mean.  And, I haven’t been truthful with you…”  You sit up, and motion for me to sit with you.

“I didn’t want to go to the book club because…”  I have to wrestle the rest of the sentence out of my throat.  “Because I’m scared of being embarrassed, or failing again.”  You nod once, then sigh.  With a wry smile, you admit that, “unfortunately you were right.  We’ll never make a friend.”  Your words come out scratchy and hoarse.  

“Well, ha ha, about that.  I might’ve sorta made a friend while you were there?”

Suddenly, your frame perks into attention.  “R-really?”

“Yeah.  I guess it was more that she made friends with me, but, the thought and all that.”

We sit in silence for a few seconds after that.  I speak up first.  “D-do you want to try again?”
“Right now?”

“Sure, why not?”  You contemplate that for a second.  

“Well, we’d probably be too late…”

I spin some of the smog, which followed me into the house, around my finger.  “I’m sure we can figure out a way to get there quickly.”